Here are two good reasons to take a lethargic 14-year-old teen on a 12-hour road trip:

1. I get the back seat and the fat pillow.

2. We’re there already? Wow, that was quick.

Here are 25 reasons not to take the same road trip with a hyperactive 12-year-old:

1. Is that a deer? Did you see that? Might have been a wolf. Looked kinda like a wolf, don’t you think?

2. How many miles have we gone? How many to go? Are we out of Indiana yet?

3. It’s hot in here. I gotta stick my head out the window.

4. Why does it say “slippery when wet?” Cause it’s not slippery when it’s dry? It could still be slippery if you spilled a pop or somebody spilled a tanker of oil or something. They should change the sign to just say “slippery.”

5. Did you see that? That guy had a gun. Well, it could have been a coffee cup, but it sure looked like a gun.

6. I can’t go to sleep cause I’m an in-som-knee-act. Do you think I could be an in-som-knee-act? Do you, mom?

7. Are we out of Ohio yet? How much longer?

8. Doesn’t in-som-knee-act sound like a good Halloween costume?

9. I CAN’T sleep. I’m not sleepy at all. Did you know snakes don’t have eyelids? I don’t think I have eyelids. Insomkneeacts don’t have eyelids; probably why they can’t sleep.

10. Did you see that guy? He looked just like that guy on America’s Most Wanted! He just drives around , murdering people

11. That sign says “Watch for ice on bridge.” There’s no ice – it’s soooo hot out. They should take that sign down, right, mom?

12. Did you see that kid in the back of that car? He stuck his tongue out at us. Catch up to them and I’ll do it back. Hurry, mom!

13. Are we out of Pennsylvania yet? How much longer?

14. There’s another “Scenic overlook ahead.” It’s dark but I bet we could still see some scenic stuff.  Maybe that murderer is there on the cliff and we can push him over and call the police. Okay, mom?

15. How much longer? How many states have we been to? How many more to go?

16. Harrisburg 200 miles?! We’ve been in Pennsylvania for a thousand miles already! We should have taken an airplane, right, mom?

17. Do you think when we are in Washington D.C. that we will see the president? I’ll bet we see the guys who watch him and they will have lots of guns.

18. If you got shot in the arm, would you die? How about in the leg? What about in the chest, not in the heart, but right here, look, mom – right here – would you die then?

19. Are we halfway there, yet? A fourth of the way? Three-fourths of the way? Fourteen eighteenths of the way? Three hundred and forty thousandths of the way?

20. How can we still be in Pennsylvania? We should be in the ocean by now!

21. Do you think if we missed the road to Washington, D.C. and drove into the ocean by mistake, the car would sink or float? Should I leave the window down so we can get out? Should I wake up Chris, just in case?

22. What if I fell out of the car right now? Would you stop? What if you slammed on your brakes and everyone behind you fell off the edge of this mountain?

23. Did you see that? It looked like a couple of mooses. But they don’t have horns. Well, maybe one did. Might have been an elk. What’s the difference between a moose and an elk?

24. Who picks up all the dead animals on the road? What do they do with them? Do the Dead Animal People take care of them if they are not all-the-way dead? Cause that would be mean if they didn’t, wouldn’t it?

25. How much longer? I’m not sleepy at all. This is fun, huh, mom? How much longer?

 

By viv sade