By Viv Sade

There’s a reason – actually, two – that I never became a smoker: 1) I never quite learned the habit, and 2) I am ADD.

Throughout my teenage and adult life, I have tried – with serious ambitions of addiction – to smoke.

I stopped smoking those two cigarettes a year 15 years ago and never looked back.

I would like to say I do not smoke because I realize it is a harmful and life-threatening habit that is disgusting and extremely addictive.

Trouble is, I don’t smoke because I never really got the hang of it.

I’ve always had a problem paying attention to details. Every time I tried my best to light up and puff a cig, I became bored and my mind would wander.

My oldest daughter and son still remember growing up in a household of charred furniture during my trial years of trying to acquire new and more damaging vices than the ones I already had.

After a few months, every piece of furniture we owned had a burn mark on it.

Shortly after I would light up and puff and hack a phlem-filled-lung cookie, the phone would ring or there would be a knock at the door or my toenails would appear to be in need of a sound clipping.  Something always came up that made me forget I was holding a burning ember and I would begin a new task, and leave the damn thing burning wherever.

Since I didn’t really smoke, we owned no ashtrays. Consequently, I set the addictive firestick down wherever I happened to lose my attention span … television set, chest of drawers, kitchen counters, a trashy novel or a pile of newspapers.

Things would suddenly burst into flames, and I never really connected the odd habit of my random shot at smoking and the spontaneous combustion of various furniture in our household.

So, as a former smoker of sorts, I have no patience for messy smokers who throw their butts wherever.

I do however, have some respect for smokers who use ashtrays and don’t burn down their homes.

Imagine being able to adopt such a benevolent attitude at the same time you are busy trying to kill all of your healthy blood cells. Wow – that’s perseverance.